The Tragedy of Raiteo and Lawliet
by lizren
Summary: Never was there a tale of more woe, than that of Lawliet and his Raiteo.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Grim angst, youthful death, romantic amours, murder and alarm...these are the intriguing ingredients of our latest foray into the land of Death Note fiction. **

**They are also the words that make the acronym 'gay drama.'**

Prologue

_Two detectives, both alike in wit and skill,_

_In bustling Tokyo, where we lay our scene_

_From newfound grudge break a wish to each other kill,_

_Where civil blood makes megalomaniac hands unclean._

_From forth the fatal minds of these two foes_

_A pair of star-cross'd lovers strive to take the other's life;_

_Whole misadventured piteous overthrows_

_Do with the victor's kill bury their ideal's strife._

_The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,_

_And the continuance of their questionable glory,_

_Which, but a lover's end, nought could remove,_

_Is now the next two-chapter's content of our story;_

_The which if you with patient eyes attend,_

_What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend._


	2. Act 1

**Chapter 1**

In which the authors venture into the art of Shakespearian porn, among other things.

Act I, Scene I  
RAITEO and RYUK sit in RAITEO'S ROOM, a small television blaring the news in the background, the death note lying open and apparently written in on RAITEO's desk.

RAITEO  
O, that tempestuous writhing of the soul,  
That pains me to labor on and on.  
Criminals, and that ugly seed of which they sow,  
Oblivion to all, death without the hassle of law.  
But what is this? Could this book be real?  
Or victim am I made by pranks  
From demons banished long to hell?

RYUK  
Victim you are not, not yet,  
But I beseech thee beware in the future,  
For once thou hast used this book of death,  
Death will be as a hound on thy scent  
Searching, following, harrying till it wins.

REPORTER ON TELEVISION  
Of late these criminals, heinous be their crimes,  
Have been dispatched from the noble Japan by arrests  
Of the heart, the physical kind.  
As yet no suspects have been named,  
But may I be the first,  
To congratulate this so-called Kira  
For all of his valiant work.  
Still, however, we have a broadcast  
Exclusive to our viewer's eyes  
From the great detective L,  
Perhaps the greatest mind of our time.  
Please, L, make your entreaty!

L (ON TELEVISION)  
Tonight I mask my voice with noise,  
Tomorrow I mask my face with cloth.  
Kira, the time will be twelve  
The place, Roppongi  
There will be cover, so don't try to evade,  
I know your sin isn't sloth,  
For sloths be mammals of medium size,  
They hang from trees, whose leaves they prize  
And ne'er in a thousand years  
Would a creature so gentle cause so many tears.  
In causing death thou hast been  
Most industrious, so appear tomorrow  
And fail not my expectations.  
Meet my challenge and then perhaps  
we'll have ourselves a confrontation.

RAITEO  
Feh! Death I needn't worry about, silly ghoul,  
for apparently a new player has entered the field,  
full of pomp and praise worthy of myself.  
May there be blood as wine tomorrow night  
At his transparent masquerade.

RYUK's shinigami laughter rings out into the night, and RAITEO extinguishes his desktop light and the television beside it.

Act I, Scene 2

LADY WAMMY  
L, my darling child, wherefore dost thou hurry?  
I have just made the most delicious curry…  
It would not do for you to disappear  
Before you eat at least this bit of dinner.

L  
Watari, do not nag'st me so!  
Towards Roppongi tonight I must needs go!  
For there I shall divine the face of Kira,  
Oh heavens, wherefore is my mirror?  
I must apply this glitter to my rear.

WATARI/ LADY WAMMY  
Oh, L, sometimes I cannot help but wonder  
Where within your upbringing I did blunder  
To have produced, much to my deepest woe,  
A flaming youth who bleed'st fucking rainbows.

L  
For better or for worse, my dear caretaker  
I have become a most flamboyant gumshoe  
Who will a break in this murder case make ere  
You can drink our entire stock of rum brew.  
Now, let me go, before I kill you dead!  
My (p)unsuspecting prey lies just ahead,  
To Roppongi I go to stake my claim  
And beat dear Kira at his wicked game.

Act I, Scene 3.  
_At the Roppongi night club._

RAITEO  
This masquerade smells like the worst of traps  
But more than that, it reeks of leather chaps…  
To what gruesome stage hath L directed me,  
Where there be just men, who dance most sexily?

L  
O'er yonder I spy with my little eye  
A gorgeously bewildered handsome guy…  
I might as well strike up a conversation  
Whilst waiting for Kira's presentation

_Walks over to RAITEO._

Greetings, sexy, whither wander you?

RAITEO  
I was waiting here for someone to come find me  
but perhaps I would be better off with thee,  
I came here with a dark and dark intent,  
Be proud that potential evil you'll prevent.

L  
Oh nonsense darling, speak not such scary words,  
You're a rare gem inside this room of turds.  
I can't imagine you being so depraved  
unless it was in the bedroom, oh you knave!

RAITEO  
You flatter me, you honey-tongue'd creature  
Though I do admit you prominently feature  
in the wickedness of my bedroom fantasies  
away from all these boorish manatees,  
I did not think that anyone could distract  
me from my initial plan of attack  
but neither did I think that I would find  
a potential partner so pretty and refined.  
To the love-hotel across the street,  
I shall follow my eager feet.  
I expect you there within the half-hour!

_RAITEO exits._

L  
To love, or not to love: that is the question:  
Whether 'tis nobler in my heart to offer  
My mind and body/*cough*Sekrit Place of outrageous proportions  
Or to stay true to task and find a clue to Kira,  
And by deduction, find him? To love, to sleep;  
No more; and by pursuing this love I end  
My quest to find my greatest nemesis  
That preys upon me, 'tis not an option  
Devoutly to be wish'd. To love, or die?  
To love, perchance to screw, ay, there's the rub…

_After brief consideration._

L  
Well, Mr. Sexypants,  
I shall abandon my soliloquizing rant,  
and to the bedroom so retire,  
so I can light thou most private place on fire!!

_L exits._

Act I, Scene 4  
RAITEO enters room at nearby love-hotel.

RAITEO  
Those were some strange manners in that boy,  
perhaps he finds me a simple toy?  
Well no matter, things will change,  
when I dominate and control the game!  
Ah yes, my manic laughter fills the room,  
I hope this night won't be over too soon!  
But there is a line of his on which I worry:  
could Kira possibly be his quarry?  
He muttered the name before we met,  
what if he is the detective and this the trap he set?  
Sleuthing of my own I shall have to do,  
and if he is... what then? Where to?

_Knock on door._

Look, that is you right now!  
I will thus discover the motivations of thou...

_RAITEO answers door to find L, standing sexily._

L  
O, dear bombshell, did you miss,  
these lips so aching for your passionate kiss?

RAITEO  
Oh my beautiful tempter!  
I know not even what name to call you,  
or your occupation either-  
You see, I'm an honest gentleman  
who does not believe in these "one night stands."

_To self_

Or at least, if that helps my cause, let the fool think so.

L  
Oh dear me, how could I be so brazen  
to expect your love while giving only raisins  
because no one likes raisins in their cookies  
Ech! he who devised that recipe was a rookie!  
But forsooth you are getting bored with my talk,  
so instead let us make out and then take a walk,  
and on that walk we shall discover each others' pasts...

_To self_

At least, if walking helps my cause, let the fool think so.  
But what we shall really be discovering is the inside of the other's pants...

_Exeunt, Curtain closes._

_**...........**  
_

**A/N**: Kids, this iz wut u lern in kollege. Act 2 to come guhYES LIKE HAMLET TOWARDS POLONIUS WE ARE NOT YET DONE TORTURING YOU. I don't even enjoy Shakespeare.

-Liz + Ren"ForgedSignature"


End file.
